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Joke
du Jour
Joke Archives
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 The Fly Story------->
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Thibodeaux at the Sugar Bowl
Thibodeaux had 50 yard line tickets for the Sugar Bowl.
As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the
seat next to him. "Mais, no", says Thibodeaux, "Dat seat be empty, yeah."
"That's incredible," said the man. "Who, in their right mind, would have
a seat like this for the Sugar Bowl, the biggest sporting event of the
year for LSU, the SEC champions, and then not use it?"
Thibodeaux says, "Dat seat belong wit me, yeah. I wuz
comin' wit my wife, but she done pass on. Dis de first LSU football game
we didn't came wit each udder since we bin married in 1960." "Oh no,
I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone
else - a friend, relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
Thibodeaux shakes his head sadly. "No, dey all at
de funeral." |
John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with
profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by
consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else
he could think of to do to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally,
John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back.
John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
In desperation, he grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then
suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the
freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I
believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm
sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend
to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in
his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
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Funny Pictures |
A Texan, a Russian and a
New Yorker go into a restaurant in London.
The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get
one as there is a shortage."
The Texan said, "What's a shortage?"
The Russian said, "What's a steak?"
The New Yorker said, "What's excuse me?"
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Bush or Chimp
Not for the easily offended--this website is an equal opportunity lampooner |
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How to Speak
Redneck (fast connect recommended) |
A
defense attorney was cross-examining a police
officer during a felony trial - it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person
matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who
responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do
you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer, do you have a room
where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow
officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a
room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with the
court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been
known to walk through that room!
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Back in the wild west, a westbound wagon train was lost and
very low on food. No other people had been seen for days. Unexpectedly, they
saw an old Jewish man sitting beneath a tree. The leader rushed up to him
and said, "We're lost. Is there someplace ahead where we can get food?"
"Vell," the old Jewish man said, "I vould definitely NOT go
over dat hill. Somevun told me you'll run into a big bacon tree." "A bacon
tree!" asked the wagon train leader. "Yah, yah ah bacon tree. Trust
me. For nutting vud I lie."
The leader goes back and tells his people what the Jewish
man had told him. "So why did he say not to go there?" some pioneers asked.
"Oh, you know the Jewish folks - they don't eat bacon." So the wagon train
goes up the hill and down the other side.
About an hour later the leader of the wagon train returns
to where the old Jewish man is sitting and enjoying his drink. He was
disheveled and wounded. The near-dead man starts shouting, "You fool! You
sent us to our deaths! We followed your instructions, but there was no bacon
tree. Just hundreds of Indians! They killed everyone but me."
The Jewish man holds up his hand and says, "Oy, vait a
minute, vait a minute. He gets out an English-Yiddish dictionary and
begins thumbing through it. "Oh mine Gott, I made myself ah big
mistake---
It vuz not a bacon tree. I mant to say it vuz a ham bush!"
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